Rock on Kansas City

Sunday, May 14

I can't sleep.

Why am I going to sleep so early on a Saturday night? Because then I can wake up early. Also, I was already home working on the screenplay and don't really feel like leaving. Why wake up early? So I can be productive. If I accomplish things in the morning, I start the day feeling productive, and this tends to make me more productive. But why not just work now? Good question. As of an hour ago, I was wide awake. Then I got tired, came to a nice breaking point in the SP, so I decided to go to sleep. But the whole bed routine (setting alarms, brushing teeth, etc.) just woke me up. So now I can't sleep. I also can't sleep because this blog post was swimming around in my head.

What blog post? The answer: stop asking questions.

I think I'll try an experiment. I'm bored of this blog, as I am sure you have become. So I will try to make it the kind of blog I don't like (particularly, the kind that chronicles things). Sounds dumb I know. But then everyone will get caught up on my life, I will hopefully update more, and in a week or so, you can tell me if it was boring or interesting in any way.

To facilitate your reading, I will code each section of my life. How convenient:

APARTMENT: So I have to find a new apartment/place of living. My mom (and Grandpa apparently) think I should buy a place. I called my management company today to see if I could extend my lease until Aug 1 (instead of June 15). I haven't heard back. But if not, waiting around for deals to close will suck and result in much moving. On the fun side, here are my qualifications for a place of living:
  • quiet area when I sleep, but noisy enough that it's ok when I (or my neighbors) have the occasional soiree
  • dishwasher
  • place for my (or Will Haines') drum set
  • near a bus stop, preferably near enough to downtown I could ride my bike easily
I am going to look in Shadyside and Bloomfield first, just because they have been recommended.

SCHOOL: I am in the home stretch. I had one final presentation and have to finish an accompanying report. It was for this website (click "Student and Community Resources") we designed and I think mine looks pretty, though some of the colors are ass. I also have to write 40 pages of my screenplay. I am up to page 9 and at various times I think it will be easy then impossible. Hell, I don't know how to write a screenplay. The most we've written up until now was one full scene, the rest has been spent on story. But I don't know how to fit it all together and tell the story well. We'll see how it goes. At least I (finally) like my story a lot. But I need to get away from inventing premises about protaganists who are me.

WORK: For the first time in a long time I have been starting to see some of the potential benefits of settling down into a job right now. CMU and the college life will not be an easy thing to let go of, but whenever I have had difficulty letting go, I find a become a better (or at least different) person because of it. I am still freaking out about a few things (namely having to keep the 9-5 person schedule, not making adult friends, and of course the lack of anyone to share my purchased house with), but maybe, just maybe I'll be ok. I really hope I do at least one or two of the things I think I will next year though (for details, see 2 posts ago + start an improv troupe, audition like whoa, and finish my screenplay).

GIRLS: I like them a lot. Not much news on this front. I think I have become finally comfortable with what Carrie and I are to each other. I still love her incredibly, but I've dealt remarkably well with her continuing boy saga and I think we will be excellent friends despite having dated and being a planet apart. I flirt a lot, sometimes successfully and most often not. Recently, I wonder how forward I can get away with being. I have tried to prevent myself from jumping into things because it worked so well when I didn't. But right now, most often I find myself flirting with people that I really want to make out with more than anything else. Maybe that makes me an asshole (unless that's all they want too), but if you wanted to be updated on my life, I'm kind of an asshole.

Anyway, if all I want is to make out with a person, let's call her A because I'm actually thinking of no one in particular, do I tell A this? Chances are I don't know her well. The way I see it, there are 3 states of the world:
  1. She wants to make out with me. Problem solved, everyone wins.
  2. She doesn't. My campaign for the AJAA will long-awaitedly begin. I probably won't even get to be her friend this way and that, at least according to Atom, is probably what I wanted in the long-term.
  3. She might make out with me, but not yet. I'm bored with this analysis, moving on.
In general, though, I think I have been doing well. I haven't buckled under the strain of loneliness and I generally enjoy my days. I certainly, as always, enjoy flirting.

GRADUATION: I have so many questionnaires to fill out and emails to write it's silly. I can't believe that in 3 days I will be picking up a cap and gown. Senior Week looks like a bit of a bust for me because few of my friends are seniors and they generally aren't going to much. But I'll at least go to this silly Heinz field thing I guess. I find it hard to do a lot of it though. Write 2-4 sentences summing up my college career to be read as I walk. Answer questions like "What are my most memorable CMU experiences?" Who can do that? Well, I forgot to pay a membership fee, so I might not be in that ceremony anyway.

MAGIC: How do I love this so much? It's a weird hobby because I'm not that good and I don't have enough time to practice. Yet I keep spending money, watching trick videos online, and showing tricks to people that they almost always immediately figure out. I'm a shame to magic, but I love it. And at least I'm improving. It's the kind of thing (like acting) that I wish I could focus on for a while. But alas and alack... Whatever, I made Alex Aspiazu's signed coin go through a table and of the 8 people who ended up watching, at least she was impressed.

FAMILY: I haven't seen my family in such a long time. I am 2 hours away, but I really do feel far here. I was supposed to go home for Mother's Day, but it's looking like I have too much work to do (I say at the end of an 18 page blog entry). Well, I'll see a lot of them for graduation and then try to go home after. The little word I get is all positive from them, though. My sister's looking at law schools, my cousins are happily learning in Florida, my other cousin just got a real job for next year, my mom's all moved in and has a phone line in the new house. What a crazy time.

Ok, I'm finally feeling a little bit tired again. If I manage to keep this up for a few days (they won't be as long as I'll only have one day of new things now), let me know if it bores you out of your mind. Goodnight.

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