Car Wash = Satan.

i went to the car wash last night at the giant eagle get go on morewood and baum. my car was hella dirty, so i am glad i went, but it was 11pm so it was dark and in a mostly sketchy part of the world. but that wasnt actually the scary part. so i pull into the smallest carwash in all of time. there's a little tire part and that's about all i can see. i dont at first see any "jets" or "big soapy things" or anything that would "wash" a "car." so i pull up as the light tells me and before my tire is even in the thing, jets of water begin to spray my car. do i drive slowly? am i supposed to time the spraying? in confusion, i slowly roll forward as the barely discernable green light urges me to do. i miraculously get my tire into the tiny metal thing and the light changes to "stop moving." i obey.

here comes the crazy part. first the soap is sprayed, all pretty standard. then the rinse step comes. these big mechanical arms swing in front of my car and i can see them for a second before high-pressured water comes barreling out of their tiny little nozzles. they rotate slowly to the back of the car and then the water dies down until i see them again. a few seconds later, more spray and they wrap back to the front. good, a thourough rinsing. they die down. i begin to reach for the gear shift and ... more spray. they wrap back, turn off. then back on, as they move back to the front. the spray looks the same the whole time, so it wasn't like a wax step or anything. i am thinking okay, it's a weird car wash and they want all traces of soap gone. good. they start up again. for the 5th time, my car is rinsed down. the arms are now behind me in perfect me-pulling-forward position. good good. the water dies down. pause. spray. i kid you not. they come back forward.

they are now in front of me and i am freaking out. what the hell is going on? did i not pull to the right place while driving without being able to see past the water on my windshield? what horrible infinite loop have i triggered? the worst part is what do i do? i can't go ask the attendant if something is wrong without water being blasted into my car by these vile arms. i think about calling but my mom hates me using 411. so i sit there, wishing i was home making cookies (which i was going home to do).

but alas and alack on the 7th pass, the water changed. the pressure was lower and i think it was putting some wax on my car. the arms moved behind me and then off to the side. life was good. the light told me to move forward and i pulled through the dryer at my own speed with a timer indicating how long it would continue to blow air forcefully down at my tiny car. overall, worst car wash experience since i had my temps and couldn't line up the tire forcing my mom and i to do a chinese fire drill while a huge line of onlookers honked furiously.