I have too much to do.

And I don't do it. Hey, at least I'm not dead!

Thanks Alex Aspiazu, I like these things because people are either like "yeah i remember that" or "wtf fo shizzle."

x = yes
o = no but i seriously wish i had

(x) smoked a cigarette
(x) smoked a cigar
(x) smoked a joint
( ) crashed a friend's car
( ) stolen a car
(o) been in a fist fight
( ) snuck out of my parent's house
(xx) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
( ) made out with a stranger
( ) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
(x) had a crush on a teacher
( ) been to Europe
(x) skipped school
(x) seen someone die
(x) had a crush on one of your lj friends
(x) been to Canada
(x) been to Mexico
(x) been on a plane
( ) rolled a blunt
( ) thrown up in a bar
( ) purposely set a part of myself on fire
(x) eaten Sushi
( ) been snowboarding
( ) met someone in person from the internet
(x) been moshing at a concert
( ) been in an abusive relationship
(x) taken painkillers
(xx) love someone or miss someone right now
(x) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(x) made a snow angel
( ) had a tea party
(x) flown a kite
(x) built a sand castle
( ) gone puddle jumping
(x) played dress up
(x) jumped into a pile of leaves
(x) gone sledding
(x) cheated while playing a game
(xx) been lonely
(x) fallen asleep at work/school
( ) used a fake id
(x) watched the sun set
( ) felt an earthquake
(x) touched a snake
( ) slept beneath the stars
(x) been tickled
( ) been robbed
(x) been misunderstood
(x) petted a reindeer/goat
( ) won a contest
(x) run a red light
( ) been suspended from school
(x) been in a car accident
(x) had braces
(x) felt like an outcast
(x) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
( ) had deja vu
( ) danced in the moonlight
(x) hated the way you look
( ) witnessed a crime
( ) pole danced
( ) cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend
( ) squished barefoot through the mud
(xx) been lost
(x) been to the opposite side of the country
(x) swam in the ocean
(xx) felt like dying
(xx) cried yourself to sleep
( ) played cops and robbers
( ) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
(x) sung karaoke
( ) paid for a meal with only coins
(xxxxxxx) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
( ) made prank phone calls when you were younger
( ) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x) caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x) danced in the rain
(x) written a letter to Santa Claus
(x) been kissed under the mistletoe
( ) watched the sun rise with someone you care about
(x) blown bubbles
( ) had a bonfire on the beach
(x) crashed a party
(x) gone rollerskating
(x) had a wish come true
( ) humped a monkey
( ) worn pearls
( ) jumped off a bridge
(x) screamed penis in public
(x) ate dog/cat food
(x) told a complete stranger you loved them (i mean not complete, but i just met her)
(x) kissed a mirror
(x) sang in the shower
( ) have a little black dress
(x) had a dream that you married someone
( ) glued your hand to something
( ) got your tongue stuck to a flag pole
( ) kissed a fish
(x) worn the opposite sex's clothes
( ) been a cheerleader
(x) sat on a roof top
(x) screamed at the top of your lungs
( ) done a one-handed cartwheel
(xx) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(x) stayed up all night
(o) didn't take a shower for a week
( ) picked and ate an apple right off the tree
(x) climbed a tree
( ) had a tree house
( ) are scared to watch scary movies
(x) believe in ghosts
( ) have more than 30 pairs of shoes
( ) worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say
(o) gone streaking
( ) played ding-dong-ditch (excuse me?)
( ) played chicken
( ) pushed into a pool/lake with all your clothes on
( ) been told you're hot by a complete stranger
( ) broken a bone
(x) been easily amused
(x) caught a fish then ate it
( ) caught a butterfly
(xx) laughed so hard you cried
(xx) cried so hard you laughed
( ) mooned someone
(x) had someone moon/flash you
(x) cheated on a test
( ) have a Britney Spears CD
(xx) forgotten someone's name
(xxxxx) slept naked
( ) French braided someone's hair
(x) grown a beard
( ) belong to the KKK
(x) rule at life

hmmm...i forgot about the o's for a while. hopefully none of those ended up as xxx.

Look ma! I've been grifted!

If you just want the grifting part (not the back-story), skip ahead to paragraph 3 (this being paragraph 0).

So my exitement had been somewhat overwhelming to get my cable back. As you may know I've been living in the lap of luxury for most of this year, enjoying the high life of standard (perhaps even extended) cable with all the music channels and whatnot, while paying only for basic. Then on a stormy May night I flipped to channel something-or-other and it wasn't there. As the tears swelled in my immediately bored eyes, I looked through my mail to find a notice. Yes, Comcast had done an audit and, a mere 6 months after I downgraded service, realized I was getting more cable than I should be.

I figured it couldn't be too bad. I've lived without cable before. But this is the summer. I work out of my apartment. I take lunch when I want, make a delicious sandwhich, maybe some soup and watch some quality spongebob, yu-gi-oh, or at least an episode of roseanne. But I know how expensive regular old cable can be. So I lay in pergatory, not knowing which cable-setup will be my final cable setup.

Then the call comes, as-if-from above. I thought it was going to be another me-be-unusually-rude-and-hang-up-mid-sentence-to-a-telemarketer call, but this one enticed me from the get-go. The offer was: for $5 more than I pay now for Cable (it was Comcast, or say they claimed), I could have my regular cable back. That's right for 6 months (in 3, i'll be in singapore mind you), I can pay a mere $5 more a month for standard cable. Well, for the first time in my life-time career of hating telemarketers and trying to come up with clever ways of dissuading them from calling me, I accepted the phone-style invitation. "Yes," I said, "I think I'll do it."

So the lady gets all excited like no one ever says yes and she sends me to Bob or Phil or Juan or whoever it is that has to set up my installation. So I get this guy instantly and he verifies my information and sets up the appointment. He says make sure an adult is home on Friday May 3 from 12-4pm. "Ok," I say, "No problem." Little did I know, it would be a problem.

Let's recap. Things I told them phone convo:
* My name
* My phone number
* Maybe some other trinket (last 4 of the ssn or something)

Things they "gathered" from their "records":
* My address
* My current billing status (what cable I had, etc.)

Long story short (too late!)^*, some days pass, and my excitement grows. Enter the wee hours of the morning Friday. Atom, Tarnow, hospital, vacuuming, IV, CT Scan, buffing, Morphine!, Rx, and I'm spent. I get home at 8am and sleep until 4:30pm. Yep, asleep from the precious hours of from 12-4. I remember faintly hearing my answering machine pick up, though no message was left and the ringer was off on my phone, so I didn't wake up enough to care.

Last night, I'm on the phone and start exclaiming profanities when I realize the night was that of Friday and I still had but upn and one other channel. So I check (to make sure they didnt just upgrade me -- after all I didn't have to be home for them to downgrade my service). Wait, come to think of it, I didn't have to be here the last time they worked on it (since the install). Eh. I called 1-800-COMCAST. I described the problem to the guy who answered who seemed very surprised.

Guy: "You sure it wasn't $5 for HBO, Showtime, ..."
Me: "Absolutely not."
Guy: "Do you remember the offer."
Me: "Yes. And I told it to you. $5 for ."
Guy: "Ok, hold on."

The phone rings, I am transferred to another guy. For the purposes of this dialog (an excerpt), he will be "Gu" for sake of margins.

Gu: "Can I help you?"
Me: "I don't know why I am talking to you, but ."
Gu: "Hmm...let me look you up."

Gu: "Yeah we don't have any service being done to any time in the past few months. No notes on your account indicating an upgrade and I don't remember seeing that deal you mentioned."
Me: "Seriously?"
Gu: "Yeah, we have no record of that whatsoever."
Me: "I think I've been grifted then, sorry. I mean they called me."
Gu: "Yeah next time get a name or number."
Me: "Ok, I will. Thanks."
Gu: "Chao."

Ok, so Gu didn't say "Chao." But you get the point. How creepy is that?

Answer: rull creepy.


^* First person to name the reference in a comment gets a freeeeee quarter.