How do you get over someone who loves you as much as you love her? How do you get over a relationship with which you found only enough faults to remind you it was real? How do you solve what may arguably be one of the best problems to have, despite its still being a remarkable problem?

Where are Matt and Darren? I need a drink.

I found my place in the world.

I need to work for these people as soon as possible.

Without a Foil.

My classes started and thus far I've only taken two. Style was fun and Marshall Roy is in it. I think it will be a good class for me to take but I am not as excited as I was before I took it. Don't know why. My screenwriting class was slightly dissappointing because I didn't have the prof I thought I did and the assignments are all different then the ones I thought they would be. But it also seems like it will be a good class and I shouldn't worry too much about the grade.

Right after screenwriting a checked my email, suddenly remembering one of my class times changed. It was 10:22 am as I was 2 mins out of class. I looked and apparently beginning fencing was moved from 10:30-12 as scheduled to 10-11:30am. What?!? I was crushed. I had even bought warm-ups! :(

In other sad news, I am going to be going solo to the CAKE concert this weekend as it is SOLD OUT and Tasse didn't buy his tix in time. :( :( But nonetheless, I am going to see CAKE!!!!!!!

Unrelatedly, anyone know where I can get samples of bad writing? I tried to look up things I don't agree with and only learned 2 things:

1. No one wrote a positive review of S.W.A.T.
2. Reading right-wing blogs makes my brain hurt.

Caught in the act of irony.

I always find it so funny/Seinfeld-esque when one of my family members walks into a situation that provides strong evidence that I am watching porn. But the kicker is I'm not watching porn. Like when I watch the Colbert Report and someone walks in the front door during the 4.16 minute long commercial for Girls Gone Wild Games. Or like when my uncle knocked on my door to find me sitting on my bed watching my laptop screen with headphones on. Either he thought the playing cards were a kinky addition or figured out that I was merely watching a card magic video. Maybe I should just start watching more porn. Then it's not frustrating.

Anyway, I've been incredibly sick this week. I missed my Silicon Valley recruiting event, and I've watched more TV than possibly ever before in my life. I see no new commercials. Sometimes I call people but end up not being able to talk for long for various reasons. It's frustrating. But at least now I know what it's like to have absolutely nothing in my Gastrointestinal (sp?) system.

I went on a field trip today (my first time out of the house in 3/maybe 4 days) to my grandma's house. We watched the end of Jeopardy, played GHOST and then Boggle. It was the most intellectual stimulation I've had since December. I need to start thinking again.

Next semester's going to be wacky. I miss Singapore. Ooo ooo.

Morning Report.

I decided since I've been vomitting once-delicious sushi all night, I might as well post while I wait around to see if I feel safe going to sleep again.

For the first time in as long as I can remember I actually feared death last night. To the point that I almost cried. I never usually worried about it much. The train of thought took some turns, but eventually went something like this. We have spent much of my time home since Killington celebrating my father's life on this, the 4th anniversary of his death. I was thinking about the somewhat consoling fact that he led such a full life; we had a happy and loving though as always dysfunctional family, and he had a job he loved. So many people told us that only the good die young. Then, morbid as it may be, I began to think about the members of my family whose health is declining. My uncle Marc, still quite young, has been on the list for a second liver transplant for years now. His belly gets so full of fluid in a week or two that he has trouble walking up stairs. And my grandma who I saw at least once a week growing up and have just kind of come to expect being around can't do half the things she used to. She was always so incredibly independent and now she lets me drive if we are running an errand right down the street. Then we watched this movie called Paper Clips which had, among other things, Holocaust survivors describing their experiences and I started to think about how I don't even have to be unhealthy to die. Someone in a car or robbing a store or the result of being drafted could take me at anytime.

So what's the big deal? Well the big deal is this. Over the past semester and since, I have been becoming more and more "good". Not in the Mother Theresa sense, but in the sense that a number of people told me I have had a greatly positive impact on their lives. I am honestly so happy with my life right now that I really wouldn't want anything major to change (well, almost anything). I feel like I am well-positioned to make some kind of difference to at least some company and a few people in the rest of my life. Which makes me start to fear the aforementioned addage. I just can't imagine it all stopping. It really does scare me and I don't like it.

I even had a dream a few weeks ago which involved me falling to my death and oh, the thoughts one thinks when one is falling to one's death.