I used to have the world's best kind of problem: a beautiful woman was in love with me. Sure, we couldn't be together, so it was actually a problem. But not a bad one to have. Now, it's just a problem.
I envy people who live life without regret. It seems all I've done in the past 2 years is regret what I did.
The world is cruel in its perfect balance? I have so much. My mom asked what I wanted for Chanukah and I told her I had everything I wanted and I meant it. Now I have everything but that which I want most.
Maybe I should stop complaining. Maybe I should start believing all those things that, when I was leaving, were so easy to believe.
I don't regret Carrie. I wouldn't take back one day I spent with her. I would just take back every day since then. I would have faith in our feelings. I would for once appreciate what I had instead of using logic to deny it.
How was it that when I was with her everything seemed clearer? I knew what I wanted. I felt for the first time in a year that I was happy about life in general, regardless of my relationship status. I couldn't imagine being so depressed.
I feel like I might be starting another bad year.