Ugh.
I had a really great time tonight. Napoleon Dynamite was unbelievably good. I really enjoyed it. And I really want to have been a part of making it. Oh well.
Mike Yin's place is amazing. Greg's was a lot of fun. But then always, inevitably, I come back home. While I still enjoy my apartment, the dishes and trash to take out just aren't very good company. I apologize in advance, but I have a little bit of beer in my and loneliness hit me like a brick wall. I just come back to the apartment that was supposed to be a place where Alex and I could be alone from time to time. I always imagined sitting doing homework, watching digital cable, and eating cheese and crackers into the wee hours of the morning.
But it's not even about Alex. Janet and Greg are back together, Erik and Lisa are getting fucking married, and Nina is already having fanciful moonlight nature walks with some guy she will inevitably date for 4 years. So many people are in love and happy. Even Alex has a new pair of shoes and closure about something. The worst is, the beer I drank tonight was the first alcohol that has touched these lips since my fated Sunday afternoon convo with Al. Despite my best efforts to dance, drink, and be merry, all of them are far from happening.
In closing, if you hung out with me tonight, I don't want you to feel bad (if you might have been). I didn't know this was coming until now. I just hate being alone! I promised myself not to say more than a sentence more about this breakup but something in me just wants to scream from rooftops. I'm bitter, I can't get over it, I am not dealing with it at all as well as I think I am! I AM that guy who posts stupid angsty breakup posts in his blog because he just can't move on. I AM that guy who I hate who puts his business in the street so that people read it and realize he's a wreck right now and give him meaningless, patronizing pity. Do I want your pity? Maybe. I don't know. I don't know what I want at all.
Ok, I do. I want to curl up next to someone and go to sleep. I want to hold someone's hand who's silently telling me no matter what happens, she's there. She has me and I have her no matter what. I want to tell someone I love them and mean it in every sense I've ever known the word to mean.
I should go to sleep.
Mike Yin's place is amazing. Greg's was a lot of fun. But then always, inevitably, I come back home. While I still enjoy my apartment, the dishes and trash to take out just aren't very good company. I apologize in advance, but I have a little bit of beer in my and loneliness hit me like a brick wall. I just come back to the apartment that was supposed to be a place where Alex and I could be alone from time to time. I always imagined sitting doing homework, watching digital cable, and eating cheese and crackers into the wee hours of the morning.
But it's not even about Alex. Janet and Greg are back together, Erik and Lisa are getting fucking married, and Nina is already having fanciful moonlight nature walks with some guy she will inevitably date for 4 years. So many people are in love and happy. Even Alex has a new pair of shoes and closure about something. The worst is, the beer I drank tonight was the first alcohol that has touched these lips since my fated Sunday afternoon convo with Al. Despite my best efforts to dance, drink, and be merry, all of them are far from happening.
In closing, if you hung out with me tonight, I don't want you to feel bad (if you might have been). I didn't know this was coming until now. I just hate being alone! I promised myself not to say more than a sentence more about this breakup but something in me just wants to scream from rooftops. I'm bitter, I can't get over it, I am not dealing with it at all as well as I think I am! I AM that guy who posts stupid angsty breakup posts in his blog because he just can't move on. I AM that guy who I hate who puts his business in the street so that people read it and realize he's a wreck right now and give him meaningless, patronizing pity. Do I want your pity? Maybe. I don't know. I don't know what I want at all.
Ok, I do. I want to curl up next to someone and go to sleep. I want to hold someone's hand who's silently telling me no matter what happens, she's there. She has me and I have her no matter what. I want to tell someone I love them and mean it in every sense I've ever known the word to mean.
I should go to sleep.
1 Comments:
hey brian gray. no worries. i've been single closing on three years now, and you're totally ten times sexier than i am. there are plenty of people in the world.
yeah, that is supposed to imply that it'll be easy to move on.
i hoped that helped
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yincrash, at 1:23 AM
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