Temporary insomnia
It has been a long time since I've been unable to sleep. I guess it's also been a long time since I've gone to sleep before 2am. But for some reason tonight reminds me so much of high school. Not being able to sleep because the thoughts racing through my head. Getting out of bed as quietly as possible to write an entry in the journal I hadn't seen since a few months ago (the last time I couldn't sleep).
I thought of a lot of particular things, but here are the higher level trends.
I would rather have no job and die of starvation than design payroll systems.
I love a lot of what I do in CS classes, but I don't want to code Database Management Systems or write web applets. I want to affect the artistic discourse. I want to be in a rock 'n' roll band whose music is catchy but whose lyrics have meanings on two or even three levels. I want to relate my personal experiences through metaphor or allegory in song or film. I want to undertake exiting and interesting directing projects, where the conceptual style or meaning seeps through every movement and every shot in the film. I want to be John McCrea or Tim Burton or something. I want to be in an improv troupe after I graduate.
Unfortunately, I am not a good enough drummer (or singer/songwriter) to be in such a band, nor am I at all experienced in directing enough to want to do it. Further, I am nowhere near good enough an improvisor. I try to do a lot of things and end up mediocre at all of them. I am at least better than many at database applications, I can draw a slew of meaningless IS charts and diagrams. But I don't give a fuck. That's the problem. I've lost all interest and I haven't even completed one semester of actual IS classes.
In other news, I had some ideas for the video I actually plan to shoot this winter. Hopefully it won't suck. I also came up with some new ideas for sns stuff I want to be a part of before I graduate. Why do I do those things instead of looking for an internship?
The funny part is, despite being hopelessly confused, I am the happiest I have been in a while. I am back to worrying about things that matter to some degree. I am strangely content to be concerned about these things, because I still feel like I have time to change my life somehow.
Well, back to laying awake in bed.
I thought of a lot of particular things, but here are the higher level trends.
I would rather have no job and die of starvation than design payroll systems.
I love a lot of what I do in CS classes, but I don't want to code Database Management Systems or write web applets. I want to affect the artistic discourse. I want to be in a rock 'n' roll band whose music is catchy but whose lyrics have meanings on two or even three levels. I want to relate my personal experiences through metaphor or allegory in song or film. I want to undertake exiting and interesting directing projects, where the conceptual style or meaning seeps through every movement and every shot in the film. I want to be John McCrea or Tim Burton or something. I want to be in an improv troupe after I graduate.
Unfortunately, I am not a good enough drummer (or singer/songwriter) to be in such a band, nor am I at all experienced in directing enough to want to do it. Further, I am nowhere near good enough an improvisor. I try to do a lot of things and end up mediocre at all of them. I am at least better than many at database applications, I can draw a slew of meaningless IS charts and diagrams. But I don't give a fuck. That's the problem. I've lost all interest and I haven't even completed one semester of actual IS classes.
In other news, I had some ideas for the video I actually plan to shoot this winter. Hopefully it won't suck. I also came up with some new ideas for sns stuff I want to be a part of before I graduate. Why do I do those things instead of looking for an internship?
The funny part is, despite being hopelessly confused, I am the happiest I have been in a while. I am back to worrying about things that matter to some degree. I am strangely content to be concerned about these things, because I still feel like I have time to change my life somehow.
Well, back to laying awake in bed.
2 Comments:
1) I want to make it my mission in college to collaborate with as many people on as many things as possible. And, since it's what I'm here for and what I'm good at, I want to write/make music with people. We should write a song or something together!
2) My dad's in town this weekend, so I think Yoga together is a no-go once again. I'm lame. If you'd like to try it yourself, the class is from 6:30-7:45 on Sunday night, and you can borrow my punch card.
-H
By
Anonymous, at 3:17 AM
Hey friend! I heart you! We still must walk/get together and complain (a la my blog)! Yay! Have a wonderful day!
-kami
By
Anonymous, at 10:35 AM
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